Sunday, April 29, 2012

In which I do some much-needed debunking.

Some things I should probably stop saying when I describe myself because they're not really true anymore:

I'm kind of shy: This was definitely true when I was about 7. It was probably still true when I was about 13. And it was true in some situations up until I was about 20. But to be honest, people don't scare me anymore. I thrive on conversation, love meeting new people, and am not afraid to boldly state my opinion, even when talking to strangers. Sometimes people intimidate me, sometimes I don't feel like talking, but I think my former labels of "quiet," "shy," or "introverted" can be permanently left by the wayside.

I'm a picky eater: Yes, as a child I refused to eat stroganoff, fruit salad, zucchini, canteloupe, or fresh green beans. Yes, I used to hide food under the margin of my plate or pretend to throw up to get out of eating stuff I didn't like. However, I'll eat pretty much anything at this point in my life. Especially if it's free.

I'm afraid of ducks: Geese, yes. Peacocks and turkeys, yes.  But I got over my duck phobia at least two years ago. Thank you, Brenton. 

I am a huge proponent of non-committal cuddling: This is more of a shift than a reversal. I still don't think cuddling seals any deals, and I reserve the right to change my mind about someone after cuddling with them, but I no longer believe in cuddling willy-nilly with every boy that will let me. That was Freshman Karissa, or more specifically, Aspen Grove Karissa.  I still enjoy cuddling, and wish that it could be a daily occurrence in my life. But there's something about being held by someone who really cares about you that makes you not want to share that experience with someone who really doesn't.

I hate chick flicks: Not true. There are many chick flicks I despise, such as "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," "P.S. I Love You", "Sleepless in Seattle," or anything based on a Nicholas Sparks novel.  But I don't feel right declaring hatred for the genre that brought me "While You Were Sleeping," "She's the Man," "Only You," and "Clueless."

Sunday, April 22, 2012

In response:

Looks like I have all the time in the world now...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

In which I'm surprised I'm not on some ridiculous sugar high.

For the past 36 hours, my diet has been absymal. Or....awesome? You decide.

Breakfast: Applesauce
Brunch: Arroz con leche
Lunch: 3 brownies and arroz con leche
Snack: A bazillion Hershey's nuggets
Dinner: Grilled cheese sandwich, Oreo mint milkshake, and a few fries I filched from Tyler
Midnight snack: More arroz con leche

Breakfast: Dum-dum pop, Welch's fruit snacks
Lunch: A mountain of arroz con leche and some Smarties (the Canadian kind).
Dinner: Haven't decided yet, but it will probably end up being either wedding reception food or graduation party food.

Clearly, I live a balanced, healthy lifestyle.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

In which a Time-Turner would come in handy

You know those times when you forget some key aspects of the laws of physics and schedule yourself to be in several places at once? When reality sinks in and you realize that you can't possibly be in both Heber and Salt Lake City while also being at work in Provo, your stomach sinks. Anxiety creeps in. No matter what, you will have to bail on somebody. No matter what, somebody will think you're a flake. No matter what, you lose.

And you know those times when you go on a first date with someone, and you really want to go on a second date, but every time they invite you to do something, you're busy? Not "busy" like you're actually just making an excuse so you don't have go out with them, but legitimately, terrifyingly, staying-up-until-6-am-just-to-finish-this -ridiculous-paper busy. How do you convince them that yes, since that first date they have invited you to slackline with their friends twice, invited you to come watch three different movies, and yes, even asked you on that elusive second date, and though you said no every single time, you're really not blowing them off, it just happens to be finals week and you just happen to also be working and interviewing for summer jobs and getting ready to leave the country in a few weeks? And how do you convince them that someone this unavailable is actually worth their time?

Yes, this would be one of those weeks when I could really use a Time-Turner. Too bad Harry and company destroyed the Ministry's entire supply of them back in book 5.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

In which I am aware that "un-choose" isn't actually a real word, but I use it a lot anyway."

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about missed opportunities, particularly in relationships. She made the comment that "by choosing one person, you're automatically un-choosing someone else." That comment has been circling around my brain in various forms ever since.

As anyone who's ever talked to me when I first start dating someone can attest, I have commitment issues. Hardcore commitment issues. As in, sometimes, if a boy I like asks me on a date and shows signs of wanting a second date, I have a panic attack when I get home. (That's...normal...right?) As in, I usually spend the first month or so of every relationship I'm in freaking out over whether or not I actually want to be dating this guy. And it all comes back to my friend's statement: "By choosing one person, you're automatically un-choosing someone else." By choosing to exclusively date someone, or even to spend a lot of time casually dating them, you unavoidably cut yourself off from opportunities to be with somebody else. In rare occasions where you have more than one option to choose from, choosing someone involves very consciously un-choosing somebody else. And that's scary to me, because what if the person that I'm un-choosing is awesome? What if they're even more awesome than the person I choose? What if I miss out?

This issue extends beyond relationships though. By choosing to major in music, I un-chose English, Rec Management and well...every other major at my university. Whenever I choose to spend time with one friend, I am un-choosing to spend time getting to know another friend. I have a hard time making plans for the weekend, because I worry that something better will come up and I'll have to say no because I already committed to something else. Honestly, this is the reason I haven't learned a foreign language yet; I know that by choosing say, German, I would be un-choosing French, Italian, Spanish, Welsh, and Arabic. 

I'm starting to realize that there are so many different paths to take, opportunities to grab, books to read, and people to love that I am going to have to miss out on a few. I haven't come to terms with it yet, but I'm trying. I think the trick might be to focus on what I chose instead of what I un-chose. Focus on the (hypothetical) awesome boy that I'm smooching, instead of all the other awesome boys that I'm not. Concentrate on the thrilling, stimulating major I'm in, rather than the ones I passed up. Be thankful for the great friendships I've created and strengthened this semester, rather than the people I failed to get to know. If I find I missed something important, try and grab it the next time it whizzes by. If I realize one of the choices I made isn't working out, make a different choice. I'll probably still miss out on quite a few things, but in a world with infinite possibilities but finite time and resources, that's mathematically inevitable. And I choose not to feel guilty about un-choosing a few things. That's life.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

In which I have an urge to blog, but not much to say.

I've been wanting to blog a lot lately, but I'm starting to get worried that I'll overwhelm you all, dear readers, with the onslaught of posts, and you'll get freaked out and start running around in circles screaming "Too many woooorrrrddddsssss!!!" and then you'll run away and never read my blog again. And that would be sad, I guess. Oh well.

I should have gone to bed about two hours ago, but then I missed the appropriate time window. I stayed up so late that I guaranteed that I'll be tired tomorrow. So now I'm thinking, "What's the point of going to bed if I'm going to be exhausted either way? Might as well stay up." Except that I told a friend I couldn't go on a Denny's run because I needed to sleep, so I guess I ought to go to bed on principle...

Until yesterday, I'd forgotten how much I love back massages. And head scratches. In case you were wondering, it's a whole lot. As a good friend discovered last night, I can go from hate to adoration in about a tenth of a second when proper scalp massage techniques are applied. It's a bit pathetic really. Also, my back muscles are apparently just a solid mass of knots and tension. I feel self-conscious about this, though I'm not sure why.

I'm going snowboarding on Saturday. I don't care that it's April and the snow will likely be horrible. I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve right now. Ever since last night when wardfriend invited me to come, it's been interrupting my thoughts: "Okay, so I have Music History homework, and I need to write that email for (SNOWBOARDING SNOWBOARDING SNOWBOARDING SNOWBOARDING)...and I need to mail that thing so that (SATURDAY SATURDAY SNOWBOARDING SNOWBOARDING)...what was I thinking about?"

I'm so excited for this semester to be over. I have all sorts of crazy plans for this spring and summer: rockclimbing, camping, visiting a dear friend in Seattle, roadtripping to California, scuba-diving in the Caribbean, and reading a lot. At the same time though, I'm so sad this semester is ending. All of my favorite BYU classes ever have been this semester. I'll miss the debates about whether using a synth pad invalidates a Tibetan folk musician's authenticity. I'll miss Dr. Johnson's tangents about how much he loves Charles Ives, and how Richard Wagner was simultaneously a musical genius and an abhorrent human being. I'll miss getting free books from my Children's Lit class. But most of all, I think I'll miss Brother Jaccard and the 4 sweet girls who I've had classes with since I've started this major, and who I now consider some of my best friends. I know I'll still see them around, and I hope that we can still have that bond. That we can still play "Shoo Turkey" or "Frog in the Middle," and make jokes about descending minor thirds that nobody else understands, and chastise each other for using the words "good job." Two years ago, I'd never met any of these girls, and now I can't imagine school without them. Here's hoping we'll have at least some of our el ed classes together in the fall.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Important life knowledge for you all!

Today, my voice teacher gave me the secret to giving someone a fantastic birthday, and I thought it was so brilliant that I would share it with my blog friends. Also, if I write it down, I'll be less likely to forget it next time someone I love has a birthday.

1) They need to know it's their birthday the second they open their eyes. Whether that's being woken up by the smell of bacon, being jumped on and sung to, or having their apartment decorated with streamers, the first thought in their brain when they awake should be, "Oh yeah, it's my birthday! Awesome!"
2) All three of their meals should be special in some way.
3) They must receive at least one gift.
4) The evening must include a dessert of some kind.

And that is it. All of the steps for a wonderful birthday. I must say that I agree. Birthdays don't need to be extravagant, it's just nice to consistently remember throughout the day that you are special. And now that I think about it, my family has been pretty awesome at following all of these steps to an awesome birthday (except the "all three meals" one. I don't really expect them to stalk me at school/work just to give me birthday lunch. Birthday breakfast and dinner are awesome enough.) Yay for birthdays!

(For anyone wondering, my birthday isn't anytime soon.)