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Showing posts from January, 2010

I want you to want me, I'd love you to love me...but I don't need you to need me.

I am afraid to be needed.
I know I'm weak, and I know I can't possibly fulfill even my own psychological, emotional and social needs, let alone those of another person. I'm afraid to let down someone I care about.
I worry that if someone becomes too emotionally reliant on me, it will cease to matter whether they like me, love me, enjoy my company, or want to be with me. They just need me, that's all. And when the need is gone, they will be too. And in friendships like this, I can't trust my feelings. Do I actually like this friend, do I actually care about them? Or do I just like the appreciation, the importance of being needed? I don't like that sometimes I look at some of the people closest to me as projects, as items on a checklist. Sometimes I feel like all I am is a life preserver, only to be cast aside once the shore is reached. I want to be here for people. I want to help someone, a lot of someones. But I don't want to be needed. I want to be …