In Which I Am Alive

I think one of the most important developments of early adulthood is coming to know yourself well enough to know exactly what it is you want at a given moment, no matter how simple the desire is. There is something empowering and satisfying in saying, "I am an individual, with unique desires, and what I desire at this moment is to sit on a couch surrounded by friends who I love and watching a movie that I have already seen before (so that I can fall asleep in the middle of the movie without worrying that I'll miss the end). Also, it would be nice if this movie-watching/naptime could also involve me cuddling with a cute boy who I care a lot about." There is a freedom and a power in knowing your own desires, whether big or small, because once you know what you want, you are in a position to seek it out, to make it reality. However, another important development that comes at this time of life is the understanding that you can't always get what you want. Even the mos...

To the freshman I frightened at work today: You'll understand when you're older. Sometimes, there are days when the pressures from school, work, church, dating, and trying to plan your summer (oh, and your entire future) become so intense that the only possible way to keep from going crazy is to rock out to Queen's "Somebody to Love," with all the volume you can muster. And if you  happen to have a large mop that can double as a microphone for you to dance with as you channel the frenzied genius of Freddy Mercury, well, so much the better. The startled look on your face when you came upon me swaying, dipping, and belting indicates that you have not yet reached such a desperate emotional state, and I am glad that you have been spared thus far. But just know that one day, little freshman, you too will join the ranks of the crazed upperclassmen. And that is the day when you will have to explain to a terrified, timid first-year why you were dancing with a vacuum cle...

So, turns out one of the coolest/scariest things about college is that you can be going along, doing your reading assignment for class, when you suddenly realize that you're going to need this information later. And not just for the test. Like...for your actual life, and career, and stuff. That never happened back in high school English.

Dear whoever I end up marrying, assuming I get married someday, because I fully understand that that may never actually happen, There are a few things you should probably know about me from the get-go, so there aren't any nasty surprises after our nuptials: I don't want a diamond on my ring. Or really, any kind of rock. Just a really awesome looking band, with maybe some cool swirlies and just a few tiny colored stones inlaid in it. Also, please don't spend ridiculous amounts of money on it. I think a couple hundred dollars is a good upper limit, though I bet you could find an awesome one for much cheaper. I thrash a lot in my sleep. And kick. And sometimes tear all of the blankets off of my bed. Sometimes I wake up with my head where my feet should be. I've been known to walk, talk, sing and laugh in my sleep. I hope you're ready to never get a good night's sleep for the rest of forever. Unlike the majority of my Mormon peers, I really appreciate facial ...

Man, every single year I tell myself I'm going to have an Ides of March party...and every year I forget. Though I'm not really sure what one would do at an Ides of March party...eat...Roman..food? Pretend to stab each other? Imitate creepy soothsayers? But, in honor of this most fateful day, I thought I'd share some moments from Julius Caesar , possibly my favorite of Shakespeare's plays. Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have seen, It seems to me most strange that men should fear Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come. (2.2.34) Poor Brutus, with himself at war Forgets the shows of love to other men. (1.2.46) The ides of March are come. Ay, Caesar, but not gone. (3.1.1) And of course... Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar! (3.1.77)

I think I'm a morning person at heart. I love feeling like I'm the only one awake, like I have a head start on the rest of the world. I love the pink-grey-gold of morning air, the streaks of sunrise peeking from behind the mountains. I love the prattle of birds welcoming the day, the quietness of a still-sleeping world. Unfortunately, my circadian rhythm doesn't share this love of the early hours, making me wired with energy late at night and sluggish in the early hours. So...mind over matter, I guess? My dear friend Bekah is back from her mission and I'm remembering how much I adore her and her blog . This morning I was 25 minutes late to a choir rehearsal because I was rediscovering her writing. And it was probably worth it. So this one time a few weeks ago, I was in a band. We played at the ward talent show, had big plans to try out for Acoustic Explosion, and then kind of fell apart.. But it was a good run. There's something magic about the artistic coll...

I have a tendency to get embarrassed easily. I care a little too much about what other people think about me, about looking smart, or fun, or sophisticated, or at least normal. So when the other members of my choreography group in dance class wanted to make our dance a story...I was skeptical, to say the least. I wanted to be taken seriously, to create beautiful, flowing shapes and get comments from the class on our wonderful use of energy and rhythm. My group members wanted to act out two hunters stalking an elephant in India, complete with Bollywood moves. I thought that sounded childish and stupid, but I was outnumbered, so I decided to swallow my pride and roll with it. And here's what I discovered: We didn't have the smoothest choreography. We didn't have the best technique. But dang it all, we had fun. And we made our audience laugh. And I got to creep through imaginary trees and bushes (creeping is once of my favorite activities) and do a victory dance over our ...

I wish          that I had somewhere to be alone                  that I was a poet                           that all my boxes of mac and cheese would turn into real food         that my voice was as pretty as hers     that I had someone to hold me. I wish         that I could remember what feelings felt like.                 that I had choices besides "neutral" and "apathetic" and "meltdown"                        that I was better at being punctual                        that I had gone snowboarding this winter                 that it was spring. I wish      ...

You have no idea how excited I am about this. Han Solo as Colonel Graff? The adorable Abigail Breslin as Valentine? http://insidemovies.ew.com/2011/12/21/harrison-ford-abigail-breslin-enders-game/?fb_ref=ewcontent&fb_source=home_multiline Yes, the only thing that could make me happier  would be Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, and Helena Bonham  Carter starring in a movie version of Les Miserables . Oh wait... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1707386/ Life is so awesome.