In Which I Am Alive

I just really want to run away to the mountains right now. Forget about my classes, my job, the event I'm running for work tonight.... I just want to hop in my car and drive up the canyon until I can't see the valley anymore.... and then wander through the orange-red-yellow trees until I feel myself disappear...my thoughts, hopes, and worries dissipating...until I am nothing but legs and lungs in a forest....and then when I return to myself, I will be that much more refreshed and reenergized. but sadly though "the woods are lovely, dark and deep... I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep."

Let me tell you a secret: During my month working at camp this summer, I think I took my medication...twice. And guess what? I was fine. No, I was happy . Let me tell you another secret: Last week, I only took my medication twice. And... I was not fine. I was miserable. The world fell apart and I found myself crying about things like not being able to eat at Chick-Fil-A because I'd forgotten my debit card. And so I've been asking myself...what made the difference? Why could I be blissfully content without my medication at camp, if I still depend on it for my happiness back at home? There has to be something, and if I only could put my finger on it... Maybe it was singing all day, everyday, sailor songs and whaling songs and songs about nature and songs about fish heads and songs about friends, just letting my voice ring out because that's what humans do, they sing. Maybe it was always having opportunities to help others, or seeing the effects of my wor

I don't know why people say rainy days are gray. Have they ever been outside on a rainy day? The grass looks like it's about to start leaking green all over and even the houses are brighter. If nothing else, rainy days are brighter-colored than pale sunshiney days. On my run today, I saw a boy just standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Maybe he was thinking or maybe he was waiting for someone, but I like to think that he was looking at how green Y mountain looked today, feeling the rain on his face, and listening to the birds. Anyway, once I was a little further away, I stood and looked too. When I have a house I want it to be small but beautiful, with a lot of flowers and trees. I also want  a porch with some latticework and a swing.

Things I would like to do this spring/summer, in no particular order: Tube the Provo River Climb Y Mountain Climb Mount Nebo Get a library card Visit the Springville Arts Museum Go to Llama Fest at the Krishna Temple (update: I'll be in California. Maybe next year). Visit the Living Planet Aquarium in SLC Go to a fair, where I will ride the most vomit-inducing ride I can find, eat a funnel cake, and get a henna tattoo.  Go to the Sheepdog Festival (It sounds silly, guys, but this is one of the cooler events I've been to in Utah) Rooftop Concert Series! (update: done! Thrice over!) Go to Boise for Jenni's wedding! Hooray! (update: couldn't get a ride. But a visit is in the works) Meet Gail Carson Levine (update: done! She's really short!) Go to the rope swing in Mona (update: done! And I went off the highest platform) Go to the natural waterslides in Alpine (update: done! Highly recommend) Actually make use of my Pass of all P

It's raining outside. Everything is misty, and the mountains are wrapped in heavy white clouds. It makes me homesick for this place: (Can you be homesick for a place that was never your home?)  I think I'm long overdue for some Oregon beach-camping. Hopefully I can make it happen...next summer. In other news, yesterday was Norwegian Independence Day. Which doesn't mean much to me, except that I got to enjoy some good food and good company. I am officially in love with this: Oh, and this: That is all. 

I love my life. Today I was visiting taught and home taught, both for the first time in months. And I love my visiting and home teachers so much already. My visiting teachers especially are such wonderful examples of kindness and going the extra mile. I want to be just like them when I grow up. =) And it's raining. RAINING! I love rain. This is fantastic. I get to go hear my little brother give a talk today. I get to go play with all my cousins. I love my major. My homework this weekend was: write in the chords for about 15 children's songs and then figure out how to play them on the ukulele. Do a full chordal analysis of "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess. Practice Bach and Mozart for hours on the piano. And do some sightsinging. Yes please! (minus the sightsinging assignment of death....) I also have the world's greatest roommates, who I can laugh with, cry with, and work on my Beyonce dance moves with. And....my boyfriend's pretty rad too. I'

Today, it rained. I put my hood up at first. And I looked around and saw all the people with umbrellas, and wondered if I even own an umbrella. I don't do umbrellas. I don't like carrying them around, and I don't like feeling cut off from the weather, like I'm putting a barrier between myself and my favorite natural phenomenon ever. I almost pitied those using umbrellas because they were missing out on the rain. And then I realized what a hypocrite I was being, hunching over with my hood up. So I threw back my hood and tipped up my face to receive heaven's gift of life, letting the sky kiss me soft all over my face and head. And my hair was ruined, and my makeup washed off and I was cold. But I'd take sky kisses over comfort and perfect hair any day.

I missed my mountains. Today I got to spend hours climbing around rocks, looking at hawks, goats, deer, and squirrels, staring at the way the sun hits the cliffs, and feeling infinite as I looked at the mountains looming around me. I got to do my favorite thing, in my favorite place, with my favorite person. Yeah, this was a good way to start finals week.

In honor of Easter, and spring, here is one of my most favorite poems, by one of my most favorite poets, e. e. cummings. (Yes, he really doesn't capitalize his name, I'm not just being a lazy blogger). (P.S. for best results, read this poem out loud. It's better that way)/ i thank You God for most this amazing day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes (i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth day of life and love and wings:and of the gay great happening illimitably earth) how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any-lifted from the no of all nothing-human merely being doubt unimaginable You? (now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)