In Which I Am Alive

So, I promised a friend I would have something substantial up here by tonight. Another friend told me that I needed to post soon, because...MY READERSHIP! I didn't know I had a "readership" but if I do, I'd hate to disappoint them! So here goes. Lately, I've been getting a lot of questions about whether or not I'm dating anyone, or if I'm still dating "that one guy" (which has been used in reference to both the man I stopped dating about a month ago, and the other fellow I stopped dating over a year ago), or simply condolences that things didn't work out with some relationship or another. These questions and condolences are often coupled with the idea that I'll "find the right guy soon," or "I met my husband right after a break-up," or that "if it isn't right, it isn't right." And while I don't disagree with any of those statements, I also feel that these relationships and subsequent breakups,...

"Be who you are, nothing more, nothing less And let the beauty that you love be the very best. Sing praises to the Highest with your feet on the ground And reach your brother with the words that you sound. And don't let mistakes be so monumental And don't let your love be so confidential And don't let your mind be so darn judgmental And please let your heart be more influential." -Michael Franti

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about missed opportunities, particularly in relationships. She made the comment that "by choosing one person, you're automatically un-choosing someone else." That comment has been circling around my brain in various forms ever since. As anyone who's ever talked to me when I first start dating someone can attest, I have commitment issues. Hardcore commitment issues. As in, sometimes, if a boy I like asks me on a date and shows signs of wanting a second date, I have a panic attack when I get home. (That's...normal...right?) As in, I usually spend the first month or so of every relationship I'm in freaking out over whether or not I actually want to be dating this guy. And it all comes back to my friend's statement: "By choosing one person, you're automatically un-choosing someone else." By choosing to exclusively date someone, or even to spend a lot of time casually dating them, you unavoidabl...

Dear whoever I end up marrying, assuming I get married someday, because I fully understand that that may never actually happen, There are a few things you should probably know about me from the get-go, so there aren't any nasty surprises after our nuptials: I don't want a diamond on my ring. Or really, any kind of rock. Just a really awesome looking band, with maybe some cool swirlies and just a few tiny colored stones inlaid in it. Also, please don't spend ridiculous amounts of money on it. I think a couple hundred dollars is a good upper limit, though I bet you could find an awesome one for much cheaper. I thrash a lot in my sleep. And kick. And sometimes tear all of the blankets off of my bed. Sometimes I wake up with my head where my feet should be. I've been known to walk, talk, sing and laugh in my sleep. I hope you're ready to never get a good night's sleep for the rest of forever. Unlike the majority of my Mormon peers, I really appreciate facial ...

It's raining outside. Everything is misty, and the mountains are wrapped in heavy white clouds. It makes me homesick for this place: (Can you be homesick for a place that was never your home?)  I think I'm long overdue for some Oregon beach-camping. Hopefully I can make it happen...next summer. In other news, yesterday was Norwegian Independence Day. Which doesn't mean much to me, except that I got to enjoy some good food and good company. I am officially in love with this: Oh, and this: That is all. 

2010 has been a year of firsts...which always makes for an adventure. First time writing a check (I'm such a grownup!) First time holding a job while taking classes (and first job not at a swimming pool) First time getting a flower for Valentine's Day (Thank you, random Cannon Center customers). First time applying to the Music Education program First time getting accepted into the Music Education program First relationship lasting longer than 2 weeks First kiss First real breakup First time getting rejected for a job I applied for First half-marathon First time living at home since coming to college First time attending a non-BYU singles ward First time being ward organist First time visiting Washington D.C. First time going on a date with a co-worker First time singing with BYU Women's Chorus First time failing a test First time getting a B minus in a class (and being deliriously happy with it) First time introducing a significan...

Tomorrow.... I am going on an adventure! An adventure the likes of which I have never experienced! An adventure full of new experiences, below-zero temperatures, lots of food, and wonderful company. I'm a little bit terrified. But mostly thrilled. That is all.

There are so many things I want to blog about...so many thoughts and ideas bouncing around in my head crying for freedom. Unfortunately, I'm mortal and subject to time (curses) which pretty much means I get to do my homework, practice piano, do my calling, and sell my soul to Homecoming Spectacular instead of blogging this week. But I had such a wonderful weekend that really opened my eyes up to how great my life is. I just had to take a second to focus on all that I'm grateful for. 1st: My family, both immediate and extended. I have pretty dang exemplary parents, awesome little sibs, adorable cousins, and aunts, uncles and grandparents who are both fun and inspiring. 2nd: General Conference. Mostly I just like spending an entire weekend on my couch (Oh, and also in Salt Lake for a little bit). Laziness aside, I love the opportunity to hear God's word and am constantly amazed at the way He gives me answers through their talks. I feel spiritually refreshed and r...

--> To my latest teacher- Our first meeting was one of teaching: “No, I’ve never played racquetball, but I’d love to learn,” I offered coyly. You took me up on it two weeks later. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember anything you taught me that time, except that you were patient with me, and smiled when I held the racquet wrong, and laughed with me when I missed the ball, and cheered when I made a point, and didn’t let me win. Later, over Jamba Juice, you taught me the history of rock music, about the Ramones, Velvet Underground, Operation Ivy, Black Sabbath, Eminem while I responded in kind with a lesson on Chopin, Beethoven, Liszt and why I love the piano. Other lessons followed: how to make the world’s best peanut butter bars. how to appreciate the 80s. how to properly capture a duck. and how to play “Three Blind Mice” on the guitar. One night, we stayed out until three talking about truth, and God, and trust, and snow. And t...

Hm....I love life. I love that I can go to a Shakespeare play for 2 dollars, with my best roommate ever. I love enjoying innovative ways of presenting age old words, and I love that I can be sucked into a story penned 400 years ago as if it were happening to my close friends. I love life for those moments when you're sitting in your seat. watching actors on a stage dance to one of your favorite songs, and all of the sudden, one of the actors is standing next to you, hand extended, and soon, you're on the stage, dancing, singing, smiling, and laughing...one hand clasped by a character from Shakespeare, the other held by your beloved friend. And..."I love love. I love being in love. I don't care what it does to me."

February 14th. A day that will live in infamy forever...I mean...something...yeah.... At this point you're probably asking, "Karissa, what is this infamous day to which you refer?" Try and guess. "Oh, it's Lupercalia, the Roman fertility festival?" Indeed it is, but guess again. "Are you referring to St. Valentine's Day, the saints' day rife with fabricated legends about forbidden love?" Closer. "Oh, wait! I know this! You couldn't possibly mean....Singles Awareness Day?" Good job, reader. I have long made a point of broadcasting my scorn for this Hallmark Holiday. Tacky cards, obligatory candy, swooney girls, makey-outey couples...blegghhh...it's like everything I hate combined into one day. But....dagnabbit...there's this secret part of me that likes and appreciates it. Nothing like a little love, right? It all started when I was 16. In honor of the holiday, my friends and I decided to watch the...

I am afraid to be needed. I know I'm weak, and I know I can't possibly fulfill even my own psychological, emotional and social needs, let alone those of another person. I'm afraid to let down someone I care about. I worry that if someone becomes too emotionally reliant on me, it will cease to matter whether they like me, love me, enjoy my company, or want to be with me. They just need me, that's all. And when the need is gone, they will be too. And in friendships like this, I can't trust my feelings. Do I actually like this friend, do I actually care about them? Or do I just like the appreciation, the importance of being needed? I don't like that sometimes I look at some of the people closest to me as projects, as items on a checklist. Sometimes I feel like all I am is a life preserver, only to be cast aside once the shore is reached. I want to be here for people. I want to help someone, a lot of someones. But I don't want to be needed. I want to...

I know this is a somewhat radical concept in our society of fairy-tale ideals, but here goes: how bad is it to marry someone who you are not "in love" with? I'm not referring to marrying for money or convenience, or marrying someone you despise. I'm imagining a scenario in which you know someone very well, respect, admire, and even love them, but feel no romantic affection for them. Maybe you're even physically attracted to this person, but this attraction is something quite separate from your feelings for them as an individual. Is it so wrong to want to spend your life with someone who understands you, who you love to spend time with, and who makes you a better person, even if you don't get butterflies in your stomach when you hear their name and the the thought of them does not induce a giddy euphoria? I mean, from what I've heard, the "in love " feeling usually fades some time into a marriage anyways, hopefully replaced by a deeper love t...